A High-five to the Past

At a certain point in your life, you start grieving past versions of yourself. At another point, there’s a degree of judgment for a particular timeline you experienced. What do you call that point when you empathize and accept the past and actually feel empowered by it?

This is where I currently stand.

Rewind back to my college years, circa 2010-2013. It was such a profound time and the older I get, the more I self-reflect and reminisce.

Naturally, the theme of relationships comes front and center. At the core was my relationship with myself, which directly influenced my other relations.

I must first apologize to myself for harshly criticizing my choices back then. Coming from a sheltered childhood to a major university where the level of attention I was receiving was substantially elevated, I could have been into a LOT more mischief. But alas, my morals were subjectively still intact. Still, I had my fun.

From regrets of one-off relations that negatively impacted “could have beens”, to unhealthy obsessions to emotionally unavailable men and staying in situation-ships longer than I should have, your girl lived a life. For years I chastised my younger self for being naive or giving people access who were not deserving but now I look back and admire that version of Empress.

She didn’t always go where she was truly wanted but she went after what she desired, or at the least, piqued her curiosity. She was fearless in her sensuality and not afraid to be vulnerable. What I’m most proud of was her courage to walk away from what was pretty on paper but ugly in reality, a budding first-love - so young yet so foolish. What a time.

I look back on that time where optics were everything and nothing. There is much to be learned from that period and yet in this moment, I can’t find one regret to have. I can only pass on wisdom inherited through the joy, heartbreaks, and choices made, to those who come after me. In the end though, we’ve all got to live our own lives so that we may grow in our way.