Refill or landfill?

The topic of celibacy and abstinence has been hot lately and for good reason. Many women and some men are choosing to forgo the idea of casual sex to hold out for something more substantial.

Maybe this is due to us realizing that the act is anything but casual, and the temporary fix of lust, that is often disguised as something more, seems to only deepen a void many refuse to acknowledge.

Maybe it’s the overturning of Roe v Wade in many states, shining a light on the stark reality that you just might have to raise a child with this person you barely even know. Or put your body through one of the most intense experiences a human, or any species for that matter, can have, when that wasn’t in your five-year plan.

My point of view is not one of being holier-than-thou, but instead one of wisdom and lived experience. I am currently on my own celibacy journey and in these past 4 years, I’ve accomplished so much that I’m proud of and received the clarity where there used to be fog. Before this, however, I was in relationship where my sexual experiences were one-sided in the sense that I was not being recharged and refilled, but instead depleted and used.

This has nothing to do with my past partner and everything to do with how I valued myself and in turn choosing the person at that level. Our reflections become a bit skewed when we’re not living at our highest potential, selling ourself short, not recognizing and addressing past wounds, and instead trying to put a bandaid over it with a new love interest. Someone to unconsciously distract us from the real work, the inner work.

But when I woke up, my sight became more clear and what excited me before, was no longer impressive.

I will never tell someone else what to do with their bodies. I instead encourage us all to be smart about it. Ensure that the beautiful act is used to your benefit, in a way that it is pouring into you, and not dumping. You’ll recognize the difference in the way your life experience appears outside the bedroom. Is it a glow-up or a downgrade?